i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
