I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
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