I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Randomize
