At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Randomize
