I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
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