whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
Randomize
