i already hear my dad disowning me
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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