she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize