I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
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