This girl is more easily done than said...
You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Randomize
