He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
My vagina just clenched in fear
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
