all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
