She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
Randomize
