He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
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