idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
