There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize
