I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
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