sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
