we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
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