did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
