My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish ðŸ€
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Randomize
