I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
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