i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
Holy sore nipples Batman
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Randomize
