He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Randomize
