a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
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