Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
