My friends, they love my intelligence
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
Randomize
