No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Randomize
