I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
