Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
He passed out mid-signature
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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