I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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