I wish I could punch you in the face.
You don't have asthma, your pregnant
A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
