I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
Randomize
