six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
Randomize
