I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize
