and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
We named our party play list daddy issues
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
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