But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
