I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Randomize
