no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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