dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
The air taste purple.
Randomize
