U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
We had sex on a dog bed..
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
