i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
Randomize
