He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
