I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
jump out the window naked night went bad
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
