also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
