Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Randomize
