just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
