he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
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you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
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And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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