gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
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