Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize