good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
