i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
