It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
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