you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Randomize
