Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
