I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
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