I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
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Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
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I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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