sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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