So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
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