Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
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